OMRFC AXV 30 – 12 Pinner

And so, best beloved, did we descend upon Headstone Lane in good time but minus Gideon on this dank Saturday afternoon. We saved our headless chicken impressions for other crucial questions such as ball pumps. After sending Chris Roycroft to get one from home we then found two of which Doc was not aware.

Pinner, came early and in numbers. They were already propping up the bar when we arrived. They looked confident and we could only empathise in the sure knowledge that for what they were about receive they would not be thankful.

After kickoff, Mike Byrne enforced the laws of physics. He crashed the ball deep into opposition territory on several occasions occupying about four defenders.

Roycroft (of the T), to type, spent the afternoon dummying, jigging and decisively, scoring. Frazer, that ravager of women adopted his mantle as Mr Motivator wearing a beanie hat for much of the time, screaming like a crazy and falling on a loose ball in their dead ball area to score another try.

A rather larger Woodie than we have previously known returned and made an immediate impression. Jovial throughout, he deftly followed Chris Roycroft’s advice, putting in a dink that forced the opposition to gather under their sticks, get eaten alive and, ultimately, concede. Wylie, with his LSU training top and rosie features said ‘unit’ and ‘deeefence’ a lot whilst ably leading the pack.

Jake Suggs broke his scrumcap, tackled like a Spartan and scored a third important try. He speaks little. His eye talks.

My favourite performance today was that of Zac Teichman. The blinkers go down, the energy levels up and the profanities are generously scattered like grass seed. And so it was today.

Gus and Jack Fitz combined well in midfield. The former managed to be at the start of the ref’s descent into the bizarre as OM’s discipline let them down. Gus was adjudged to have scored the ‘try that never was’ with his foot out. The ref explained his decision as he wheezed over from the previous breakdown.

Neither was this worthy gentleman done. OM’s had scored five tries, converted one and kicked a penalty. He awarded Pinner a penalty try (their second) and once converted announced that the score was 18 – 12. He was reminded that the scoreline is not an area where laws need much interpretation.

Vale, mea lovelies.

Jeremy Graves

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